The Handbook for Highly Sensitive People by Mel Collins
Summary
As a fellow HSP myself, my eyes lit as I browsed the clearance section of chapters and discovered this book. After reading the title, I thought: How bad could this be? Although the ideas and the overall general message are great, I am not a fan of the writing style as many concepts are not clearly stated. For instance, instead of repeating the concepts, they are numbered like an index mid-sentence. This gets rather irritating when you’re trying to process all the ideas and you stumble upon sentences that say (page 3) instead of repeating, summarizing, or even paraphrasing the concept. There are other examples of (in my opinion) poor writing but I will spare you the details. Okay, one more: Throughout reading the book, it felt as if there was far too much preamble. I kept waiting for the main point and barely felt like I reached it. Nonetheless, it has some handy strategies to ground oneself when it comes to minimizing the overstimulation that most HSPs deal with on a daily basis. It did make me try some of her techniques and they are quite meditative and soothing. Although many strategies are based on research, there are others that are not and may seem downright absurd according to “western” standards. It is however, important to note that a lot of eastern medicine and alternate strategies do work for many people. I may not agree with everything in this book, but it has given me an interesting perspective on a few practices that I once used to think were completely absurd. For example, you may think some people are idiots for keeping crystals around. If you really think about it, all these crystals are doing is using the power of the placebo effect and do you know how powerful that effect is? Well from that perspective, using stones and crystals or whatever it is that you are using to create a positive environment for yourself; if it helps you heal in your own way by creating a placebo for yourself, then that is brilliant. At the end of the day, if it works for you, then power to you!
It’s also worth mentioning that Mel found out about her trait in her early 30s and has also spent a great part of her career working at a prison (yes, let that sink in…a highly sensitive person working in a prison setting).
Summary
HSPS often struggle with the following: Being empathetic sponges, deep emotional sensitivity, a feeling of not belonging, a difficult childhood, self-esteem and self-worth issues, relationship struggles, health issues, difficulty accepting the “inner darkness” or our “shadow sides”, parenting parents or other family members, and feeling unfulfilled. This often leads HSPs to create false, inauthentic personalities or masks.
It’s important to be authentic and accept all parts and sides of you and realize that each behavior is usually masking a deeper, unfulfilled need(s). We often wear these so-called “masks” and we take on roles (alternate personas) as a means to cope with childhood stressors and trauma. We waste a lot of emotional energy when we pretend to be something we are not. Taking down these false walls or masks requires being comfortable with vulnerability and letting ourselves experience the pain as we go through it and learn to let go of the unnecessary roles/masks we had.
Understanding our basic human needs is important to the road to authenticity and living a fulfilled life. These needs are: certainty, variety, significance, love/connection, growth, contribution.
We often attract in life what we think our worth is and this not only occurs with our conscious thoughts and feelings but with our subconscious thoughts and feelings (called mirroring). For example, if we want to be financially secure, or wealthy but have a poverty mindset at an inner level with feelings of unworthiness, we are unlikely to attract money to us due to the disharmony between what we want and what we feel. The frequency associated with unworthiness is lack, while the frequency of wealth is linked to feelings of abundance.
Self-help strategies are ones involving processing emotions, eliminating self-criticism, not comparing ourselves to others, developing self-compassion, practicing forgiveness, learn to say no without guilt, express our authentic feelings, setting boundaries, healing our additions, nurturing ourselves, finding balance and harmony on all levels of being, using positive affirmations, and practicing discernment.
On dealing with overarousal and its effects:
The ACE method (Avoid, Control, Escape). If we know an environment will be damaging/draining, it’s best to avoid it. If we can’t avoid it, then we must find ways/strategies to control the environment (for example taking regular breaks, going out for a minute of fresh air). Lastly, if nothing works then allow yourself to escape when needed.
Tapping - also known as EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique is a great way to calm over-arousal. It involves tapping various pressure points on our hands, face, head, and collarbones with two fingers to help process and release emotions. This is sometimes paired with affirmations that accept the emotion that is being felt.
Breath Work - deep breaths during inhaling and exhaling can do wonders as it increases oxygen levels in our blood.
Spending time in nature
Barefoot walking (also known as grounding)
Meditation
Sound healing (whether its music, chanting, singing)
Recovery time: scheduling recovery time in our agendas/daybooks or calendars so we have periods of breaks and rests.
Listening to your body. If you like to do something that helps (prayer, singing, yoga, being creative, etc), follow your instincts and use your body as a guide.
She also talks about other remedies and paying attention to food sensitivities, taking multivitamins or B vitamins, Magnesium, bathing in Epsom salts, using adaptogenic herbs like ashwagandha (which I love btw), paying attention to hormonal imbalances and correcting this, and batch flower remedies. Lifestyle changes are also part of this such as changing a stressful work environment, joining a community for support, avoiding alcohol and other drugs that may have an adverse effect on our sensory nervous system.
Mel then delves into energy fields and chakras and offers certain “energy protection techniques”. These are powerful visualization exercises that take mindfulness and color therapy into account. Examples of techniques are the golden light technique, visualization using colors, the spotlight method, crystal therapy, prayer or faith-based techniques, the silver shower method, the violet flame method, smudging or burning sage, using water (as in floating in a body of water).
Mel then walks you through understanding loss and the stages of grief and the healing power of animals. She then explores a spiritual perspective in the final chapters of her book, talking about past lives, spirit attachments, and soul awareness meditation.
My key Takeaways
HSP is a trait backed up by research. There are many of us and it can be a very scary world if you don’t stop and learn to control some of the over-stimulation that occurs in our brains.
It’s okay vulnerable as it’s an authentic human experience and shows a great deal of care, empathy, and compassion
Meditate
Focus on what works for you as healing techniques
I would recommend this book to
If you would like to learn a very different viewpoint when it comes to healing strategies - aka alternative medicine and healing
You have the HSP trait or are close to someone who identifies as an HSP
You don’t have to, just google all of the techniques here and you’ll be okay